By Runford A. Hills
Desert Rat News staff writer
WASHINGTON – Stung by growing criticism that he is not doing enough to assist states during the COVID-19 pandemic, President Trump tweeted early this morning that “HELP IS ON THE WAY!!!”
It will arrive in the form of dozens of mobile cremation units (MCUs), which the White House Coronavirus Task Force will dispatch across the nation to assist in disposing of human bodies piling up in morgues, parking lots, and football fields.
The skyrocketing mortality of the 9-month-old pandemic – which, at nearly 400,000 deaths, is seven times the number of American lives lost in the Vietnam War that Trump refused to serve in – has become a huge embarrassment for the president.
Dubbed “Grills on Wheels," the MCUs are expected to drastically reduce the spectacle of dead people overflowing from freezers and refrigerated semitrailers, as is happening, for example, in El Paso and other parts of Texas.
“You know how much the president hates criticism and bad press,” said a top White House adviser. “But what he hates even more is dead people. He likes people who don’t die. ‘Grills on Wheels’ will definitely help him with his image and legacy.”
Designed by Steve Bannon and patented in China, the MCUs are being manufactured in Hungary by Ivanka Industries Inc., with financing diverted from the $2 trillion stimulus package passed by Congress last March.
© 2020 The Desert Rat News
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