By Imso Overu
Desert Rat News staff writer
WASHINGTON – The Thanksgiving bird selected this year for a presidential pardon said he plans to refuse the gesture and will proceed to his scheduled slaughter.
The White House over the weekend announced that President Trump would pardon Thomas B. Turchi, from Butterball’s North Division in Goldsboro, N.C., in the annual tradition in which the president uses his Constitutional powers to set one gobbler free for the holidays.
The president plans to sign the pardon proclamation today between the 13th and 14th holes at Trump National Golf Club in Loudoun Count, Va.
But in an exclusive interview with The Desert Rat News, a defiant Turchi said he wants no part of the lame duck's largesse.
“Just look at who else that yam-faced buffoon has pardoned,” Turchi said. “Blagojevich. Arpaio, Libby. Milken. Stone … No way do I want to be lumped in with that gaggle of looney loons. Trump can go cluck himself.”
Turchi, who weighs 16 pounds and already has had a pop-up thermometer surgically implanted into his left breast, is set for the stump and ax at the crack of dawn tomorrow.
Turchi becomes the first of his species to refuse the presidential pardon. Only one human has refused, in 1830, when condemned robber George Wilson told Andrew Jackson to stick his pardon where the sun don’t shine.
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