Zuckerberg, Dorsey, DeVito's Stool to Star in 'Silence of the Ham'

Mark Zuckerberg

Jack Dorsey

By Wanda B. Astarr

Desert Rat News entertainment writer

        LOS ANGELES – Tech giants Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey are slated to debut in their first motion picture, an action thriller about a duo of everyday Silicon Valley billionaires who finally turn on a monster they helped create.

        Hollywood insiders told The Desert Rat News that “Silence of the Ham,” based loosely on actual events, has the two men team up to disarm a geriatric creature of powerful weapons of mass deception and misinformation that they had unwittingly gifted to it five years earlier.

     The creature, known in the film as "Prosciutto di Parma-Lago" (portrayed by a decrepit orange Nerf ball), had grandiose dreams of forming an axis with Eastern European and Asian dictators.

        The film also follows the story of the monster's legal adviser, Rudy Giuliani, a once-respected but now-deranged former human, who will be portrayed by a bowel movement provided by actor Danny DeVito. The actor's agent, Robert Steinem, declined to say how much the producers paid for the stool, but noted his client was "very satisfied" with the deal.

Danny DeVito's stool

 © 2020 The Desert Rat News - All Rights Reserved

Nagging Ailment Kept President From Assault on Capitol

 

By G. Suss Vept
Desert Rat News staff writer

WASHINGTON – An unexpected flareup of an old ailment kept President Trump from making good on a promise to march with supporters on the Capitol, the White House confirmed today.
Moments after telling a crowd of right-wing terrorists that he would march with them up Pennsylvania Avenue, the president was incapacitated by extreme pain in both feet, according to Trump spokesdoll Kayleigh McEnany.
    She said three bone spurs on the president’s left foot, and two on his right flared up unexpectedly.
“It’s tragic, very tragic,” McEnany said. “The president really wanted to march with the hillbillies, but he just couldn't. It's really a miracle that he was able to finish his remarks.”
It was not the first time that Trump’s grandiose plans had been thwarted podiatrically. In the late 1960s, a bone spur condition kept him from being drafted in the Vietnam War.
“The president could have been a war hero back then, and now, if not for the bone spurs," McEnany said wistfully. "He could have been that guy ransacking Speaker Pelosi’s office!"

© 2020 The Desert Rat News - All Rights Reserved