The Desert Rat News : 2020-12-13

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Melania Named ‘Ambassador-at-Large’ at ISSA

By Pat E. Hurst

Special to The Desert Rat News

GOTHENBURG, Sweden – One-term First Lady Melania Trump has been appointed Ambassador-at-Large for the International Stockholm Syndrome Association (ISSA).

She becomes the first First Lady – and the first Slovenian – to be honored by the Gothenburg-based organization.

“We are delighted to have Melania on board,” said Musta Skape, ISSA’s chairman and CEO. “She embodies everything we stand for. Her recent and intense experiences with Stockholm Syndrome make her the best ambassador we could hope to find in this moment.”

Thus far, Melania has downplayed -- at times, even denied -- her expertise on the subject. A spokeswoman for the Office of the FLOTUS declined to comment.

But White House spokesdoll Kayleigh McEnany, when asked about the appointment, noted that the 2020 election was rigged.

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Man in Stoli T-Shirt Sits In On Secret Pentagon Briefing; Woman in Fur Hat Makes Off With Pompeo's Xmas Tree

By Runford A. Hills

Desert Rat News staff writer

WASHINGTON – A man in an “I 💙 Putin” baseball cap and a Stolichnaya T-shirt strolled through security at the Pentagon today unnoticed and sat through most of a top-secret briefing on current U.S. defense posture.

Military police say the man listened quietly through most of the briefing, held in a secure underground bunker. As the briefing was wrapping up, however, the man was asked if he agrees with the posture, and he responded, “Da”, at which point someone in the room became suspicious.

The man was questioned, slapped on the wrist, then taken to Dulles International, where he boarded a charter flight to Yekaterinburg.

The incident is one in a long string of other unexplained – and unpunished – national security breaches, including the recent cyber-espionage attacks on the U.S. departments of State, Homeland Security, Treasury, and Commerce.

And just last week, a Moskvich-looking woman in a sheer dress and fur hat stole a Christmas tree from the lobby of Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s executive suite.

Monday, December 14, 2020

Memo: To Save Face, Some Dems Want to Embrace Election Conspiracy

By Teika Hyke

Desert Rat News political editor

WASHINGTON – A leaked memo from the Democratic National Committee reveals that many Democrats – hungry for ANY PROOF that the party is competent – are eager to embrace the right-wingnut claims that the 2020 election was rigged.

“For at least the past 20 years, the party has been accused of being unable to punch its way out of a gin-soaked paper bag,” states the memo. “Despite winning more votes, we lost the White House, twice. We lost the entire Congress. Hell, we couldn’t even get our Iowa caucuses right.”

The memo proposes that the party embrace Trump’s bald-assed lie that the Democrats orchestrated the greatest electoral conspiracy by dumping millions of fraudulent ballots in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia, and Arizona, and by persuading Republican and Democratic elections officials, Republican and Democratic judges, and even the U.S. Supreme Court (two-thirds Republican) to turn a blind eye.

“What an achievement! This shows that, by golly, we know what we’re doing, and that we can actually pull something off,” the memo states.

A DNC spokeswoman confirmed the existence of the memo but declined to comment because nobody at DNC headquarters could locate it.