Desert Rat News staff writer
SALT LAKE CITY – President Trump today ordered Utah to end state protection for the California gull, a bird that Mormons hold dear.
“WHY are you protecting a CALIFORNIAN?!?” the one-term president tweeted early this morning.
“If Utahns loved me as much voted (sic), you wouldn't be a SANCTUAREY (sic) CITY for the damn California seagulls!!!”
Utah Sen. Mike Lee immediately called on the Utah theocracy to obey the yam-faced king.
“Remove protections for the gull!” the roly-poly Lee wrote on his Facebook page. Lee also said Utah church-state officials also should tear down the monuments to the California gull found on and near Temple Square downtown.
The gull achieved Biblical stature among Mormons in the mid-19th century, when church leaders decided they, like the ancient Jews, needed a miracle for themselves. As the story goes, a swarm of crickets descended upon their crops in 1848. The Mormons then offered thoughts and prayers, after which hordes of California gulls swooped in to gulp up the insects like grated-carrot-topped Jello salad at a church BBQ.
Decades later, the gull became the official state bird.
Though Trump publicly has tried to make the seagull issue political, a leaked White House memo indicates that Don Jr. requested the intervention because he needs something easy to kill on his next family vacation to Utah.
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