Thursday, December 3, 2020

MAGA Hat Found With Remains of Prehistoric Neanderthal

                          Neanderthal circa 2020                                 Neanderthal circa 150,000 B.C.E.

By Ayatolla Yuso
Desert Rat News science writer

        ALTAMURA, Italy – Archaeologists in southern Italy have discovered what appears to be a “Make America Great Again” hat among the well-preserved remains of the Neanderthal who fell into a sinkhole about 150,000 years ago.
        The discovery is the strongest forensic evidence so far to back a growing anthropological consensus that support for Trump among Neanderthals dates from much further than previously believed.
        “Until now, most of us thought Trump's support started with a handful of German cavemen in the Third Reich,” said Ricco Ossobuco, professor of anthropology at the University of Bari. “The discovery of this red hat proves that he was popular among Italian Neanderthals quite a bit earlier.”
        While it is unknown what language the Neanderthals spoke 150,000 years ago, the discovery is now leading scientists to believe it may have been an early form of Russian.
        The Neanderthal skeleton known as "Altamura Man" was discovered in 1993 in a karst grotto outside the town of Altamura, near the heel of the boot-shaped Italian peninsula. He is believed to have fallen into a deep hole in the grotto and died of thirst or starvation.
        Ossobuco said he is not surprised that a MAGA hat was found with Altamura Man.
        “The modern parallels are remarkable -- and poetic. Altamura man fell into a sinkhole, while today's Neanderthals fell into a stinkhole.”

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